Well I have nothing left to say about the hole as I haven't been there all week so I guess I will have to talk about my other great love: fashion. After all, I DO manage to carry off an ugly bright blue skirt with flowers on it coupled with a hot pink wifebeater on top so only a handful of people are laughing at me.In particular, I would like to talk about one trend that really gets my goat: leggings.
I firmly believe that leggings are the work of the devil. I am so sick of seeing every girl and her cat wearing leggings teamed with an ugly sack of a dress on top, just because Nicole Lohan or Lindsay Ritchie or Fugly Hilton or whoever the hell it was wore it once.
Let me get one thing straight: leggings are NOT flattering. They never have been flattering, they never will be. The only time when wearing leggings is acceptable is when you are a five-year-old jazz ballet student. Not when you are a grown woman.
Leggings stop at the most unflattering part of your leg: the mid-calf. When something stops at the fattest part of your leg, it makes your legs look fat. FACT. And while this is ok if you are a skinny girl, this is quite obviously tragic when worn by a heiffer.
I mean, what the fuck is the point of leggings, anyway? They don't achieve anything - they don't keep you warm, they don't hold anything in, they don't cover your boobs... their only function is seemingly to look stupid and tell the world 'HI, THE PERSON WHO IS WEARING ME IS DELUSIONAL AND RIPPED OFF HER LOOK FROM A CLEO MAGAZINE'.
This is particularly true when paired up with massive handbag, giant novelty sunglasses (you know the ones I'm talking about) and a dress that looks like a hessian sack. And the sack is tied up with a belt that looks like a piece of rope. UM, HELLO, ELLIE MAY CLAMPETT CALLED, SHE WANTS HER LOOK BACK!!
To sum up, the only looks you can achieve while wearing leggings are:
* Ellie May Clampett hillbilly chic
* Arty beat poet
* Bag lady
* Leftover jazz ballet student from the 1980s
* Fashion victim
NONE OF WHICH ARE GOOD LOOKS!!! PARTICULARLY ON LOWER NORTH SHORE FASHION TRAGICS!!!
The next time I see someone wearing a pair of leggings, I am going to use their own leggings to give them the wedgie of a lifetime. Oh the irony - defeated by your own leggings.
It's the only way they'll learn.
3 comments:
Don't act as if in 1992 you didn't wear a pair with a big, baggy t-shirt with "Sportsgirl" emblazoned accross the front. Either that or fluro bike shorts.
Haha. I wore both. At the same time!
This HAS to be Liz...
Um, no. Wasn't me. I think you just might have yourself a long-term stalker there.
And I still vehemently defend my decision to wear a sportsgirl shirt and leopard skin bike pants to the Mall circa 1990 (for the premiere of Look Whos Talking 2, I believe, incidentally a great movie) with that cranky pre-teen hate-the-world air I used to cultivate so charmingly.
Hm, we sure were great kids. No wonder everyone hated me.
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