Well I was just thumbing through the Mosman Daily on my lunch hour (yes, I was very bored) and I noticed that everyone’s favourite local dive has scored a write up on page 4.
Just to fill you in, the story was explaining that Cremorne Hotel is winning kudos from local wowsers for taking a tough stance on ejecting drunk people. It was accompanied by a nice photo of some guy sitting in the Antler Bar, staring contemplatively into the camera.
My initial thoughts were, in no particular order:
1. This is not page 4 news, or news at all, actually;
2. The reason why fewer drunk people have been spied in the pub recently is probably because no one goes there anymore; and
3. Why am I reading the Mosman Daily?
But I digress. I really have something to say here about the media strategy of the hole. You see, having worked in local newspapers many moons ago (okay it was last year), I happen to know that these sorts of stories are usually generated by a phone call from the subject of the story to said newspaper.
Okay, all well and good, you say. And I agree – partially. I’m all for tipping off the media to your whereabouts (it really wouldn’t be a Saturday night without the paparazzi stalking you), however there are only certain stories you want in print.
Yes. Showing that they’re getting tough on drunks creates goodwill in the local community. Which can be handy when you’re trying to push something through in front of council or whatever. But on a basic level, the pub is not in danger of losing its licence any time soon because it's been there for centuries or decades or whatever. In fact I think Captain Cook used to drink there. It's an Australian tradition.
Now, let me explain – every product has a core target market. Not just a target market, but a CORE market WITHIN the target market. And you don’t want to piss off your target market, especially when your business is apparently going through a rough patch.
Now clearly the core target market of the hole is drunken yobbos and pub pond life. Not the 18-year-old Oxford St crowd who come once a fortnight after a big night and sip on a Bacardi Breezer and several glasses of water because they’re pilling off their faces. Nor is the target market the 60-year-old teetotalers who pick up the Mosman Daily and go “it’s about time they did something about it”. They are never going to have a sudden change of heart and descend into a life of alcohol and pokie abuse at the hole.
Doesn’t matter how you dress it up with fancy wallpaper and bizarre looking horn decorations, that’s a fact. Always has been, always will be.
Local yobbos don’t want to pick up the Mosman Daily and read that they are in danger of being kicked out of their favourite haunt. In this case, the hole’s silence on the matter would have said far more. It would have said: WE STILL LOVE YOU, LOCAL DEADBEATS!! YOU’VE GOT A HOME HERE!! PLEASE COME AND DRINK OUR BEER!! AND PUT YOUR MONEY INTO OUR POKIES!!
I don’t know who is currently directing the hole’s media strategy, but I would like to volunteer myself for the job. Because you see I have ACTUAL MEDIA EXPERIENCE, unlike whoever is handling it at the moment.
Also I know the product very well, since I have been hanging around there all of my adult life and even a couple of years of my pre-adult life. I care very much for the pub and would love to see it returned to its glory days of trashy nihilism. Yes, it might have been trashy and yes, perhaps you wanted to kill yourself while you were sitting slumped on the couches in the pool hall, but at least it was busy then!!
However I also have unrealistic salary expectations and would require a full-time personal assistant and masseuse, so perhaps it’s all just a pipe dream.
C’est la vie.
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3 comments:
Wow. You must have been bored. That was a lengthy blog, but very amusing.
I see your point. I think it's time we had a word with management. Or stage a coup and take over the joint.
Pistol Pete can be the General Manager and we his bitches. The place will be back to normail in no time.
BRING BACK THE VIP CARDS.
I forgot about the VIP cards... $3 champys and half price meals in the restaurant thingy. Actually I think I still have mine in my wallet!
Yes I am bored. It's a slow day in the typing pool.
Once the vitriol starts flowing from my fingers, I just can't seem to stop it.
I am yet to here from the hole re: offer of employment.
Perhaps I should send them a fax?
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