Why God?? Why

It seems that Shayne Borland may have a slight issue with understanding the difference between "days" and "months".

We had only been rid of him for four days when it was overheard last night that he is cutting his "summer in Queensland" short because he misses the pub and wants to come back.

In three weeks.

ARGH YOU PROMISED US THREE MONTHS!!!!

And The Prize For The Most Confusing Facebook Status Update Goes To...

Why, Shayne Borland, of course.

"Shayne Borland wonders why the doctor was confused when I asked him 4 stilnox 2 sleep on Bribie Island, Hello Dr just came up from Sydney!!!"

WTF does that even mean? Obviously they never taught him English during his reign as supreme commander of the Comancheros.

Dear Bribie Island: Please Take Him

I was lazing around in a pool of my own crapulence at 7am this morning, trying to encourage myself to get out of bed, when my phone buzzed with a message. People rarely contact me, let alone at 7am, so I knew it could only be one person: Shayne Borland.

Shayne Borland was texting me at 7am on a Wednesday to announce that he had pills. What a fucking doofus. Who is thinking about pills on a rainy Wednesday morning.

Does he need any help with his airfare to Bribie Island? Because I am willing to pay, as long as it's a one-way ticket.

Where Did He Come From, And Can He Go Back There?

Since the sudden and mysterious appearance of Shayne Borland several months ago I have been having discussions with various people, and it appears no one quite knows where Shayne Borland emerged from. (And more importantly as an aside, is there any chance he can go back there?)

Shayne Borland spends his entire life wandering around the pub annoying other people so it seems unlikely he was there the whole time and we didn't notice him.

Another point to ponder is: why hasn't he been banned yet? Seeing as he spends the majority of time with his wobbly boot on, scaring other people and dealing drugs in plain view of everyone, it would likely be in the pub's best interest to get rid of him. Apparently he is on thin ice, but as far as I'm concerned, any ice that's preventing Shayne Borland from being banned is way too thick.

Skank is the New Black

These girls were photographed at Manly Beach recently trying to pick up blokes by writing their mobile phone numbers on their backs in blue zinc.

Not surprisingly, they had travelled to Manly from the Western Suburbs.

Perhaps I could try this at the hole?? What do you think?

Cat in a Cow Suit

Now this is my idea of a marketing strategy.....

A Chicken Suit Would Have Been Better

I was walking up Military Rd past the pub at 8am one weekday morning. No, I wasn't going to the pub, I was going to work. Anyhoo, I suddenly noticed someone dressed in a cow suit stumbling around outside the pub, harassing passers-by on the way to work.

My first thought was "did Uncle Pete pull a cow suit out of the Goodwill box again?", then someone explained to me that this is another (extremely well executed) marketing strategy by the "hole" to advertise their free-steak-with-schooner night (yeah, because when you're eating a piece of meat, you really want to associate it with the animal it came from).

Our friend Lady Goon informs us that while she was waiting at the bus stop one morning, the cow suit person approached a bus window and started banging on it with two hands. Well, if that's not going to get in more paying customers, I don't know what is.

Hotnesssssss

(L-R) Target Big & Tall Model, Shayne Borland, Charles Dae-Knight

I really like the way Shayne Borland has thrown a collared shirt over the top of his favourite blue t-shirt to give it a structured, formal edge. Don't you?

More Mingles

Do yourself a favour and check out some of the photo galleries....it's a pisser!!

http://www.mingles.com.au/gallery/

Mingles - Example of the Hotness

Discuss.....

Hooray, I Remembered my Password for Blogger

BREAKING NEWS ON JASON'S GF

Her name is Rochelle....yes....Rochelle and Jason.

They met at Mingles in Burwood.She is an alcoholic. He thinks this is a virtue rather than a vice.

According to Bad Smell she is not very attractive.

According to Bad Smell everyone is attractive so she must be pretty bloody ugly.

Shayne Borland, The Most Unintentionally Funny Person In The World

In case you couldn’t guess from the above title, I am about to write a rant about a new loser on the scene called Shayne Borland.

Let me start by saying his name isn't really Shayne Borland. I have cleverly disguised it by adding a letter to the first and last name. This is to prevent him Googling himself and finding the site. I won't tell you which letters are added. OK it's the y and the r. Yes, he does have the most bogantastic name ever.

Shayne Borland is the idiot who reckons his father owns the Cremorgue Hotel. Whether or not this is true, let me say I don't especially think it's anything to boast about.

Some other funny points about Shayne Borland:

* He has a rat's tail. Yes, a rat's tail outside of 1989.
* He stands at the door of the pub next to the bouncer handing out pills as people walk in.
* He doesn't smoke but stands on the step in the smoking area, hovering over his minions.
* He wears the same outfit all the time - 3/4 cargo pants and a blue t-shirt. Miss Contradiction and I joke that when he goes to work he still wears the outfit but just puts an elasticised tie over the top.
* Speaking of work, he revealed on Sunday that he quit his job because he prefers to go to the beach in the summer.
* He pulled out the pearler the other day that he and I were apparently a couple for one day. This must have been the day I could talk to him without laughing.

Yes, Shayne Borland truly gives us immense doses of hilarity.