Dulwich Hill has now been tainted by the shadow of Jason.
Yes, he now lives there with his brother, who happened to be a crack cocaine dealer when living in the US.
I guess being a complete and utter drain on society IS a genetic trait after all!
As long as he doesn't come any closer to Cremorne, I can live with it.
Tuesday 29 May 2007
Monday 28 May 2007
The hole gets worse
I just can't understand how the Cremorne Hotel managed to spend over $2 mill renovating the nightclub and turn it into the Ho bar. Ooops sorry, the So bar. Yet they can't afford to supply soap in the toilets.
Miss Contradiction and myself yesterday experienced the downstairs toilets at their worst. Not only was there no soap, no hand dryer or hot water (which is quite a common affair). Someone had actually shitted on the toilet seat. And to make it even worse it had been smeared all over the seat. Now I know that a lot of freaks hang out in the C-Lounge but I didn't think animals were allowed inside. I mean seriously, how the hell do you miss the hole in the toilet seat unless you are standing on the toilet seat.
Another issue we raised was that if there is no soap, hot water and hand dryer and the female staff use the same facilities, how do they wash their hands properly before they cut the limes/handle food e.t.c
Surprisingly when the issue was bought up with the bar staff some hand soap and hand towels were then placed into the bathroom and the door of the cubicle in name was locked.
Such a classy joint.
Miss Contradiction and myself yesterday experienced the downstairs toilets at their worst. Not only was there no soap, no hand dryer or hot water (which is quite a common affair). Someone had actually shitted on the toilet seat. And to make it even worse it had been smeared all over the seat. Now I know that a lot of freaks hang out in the C-Lounge but I didn't think animals were allowed inside. I mean seriously, how the hell do you miss the hole in the toilet seat unless you are standing on the toilet seat.
Another issue we raised was that if there is no soap, hot water and hand dryer and the female staff use the same facilities, how do they wash their hands properly before they cut the limes/handle food e.t.c
Surprisingly when the issue was bought up with the bar staff some hand soap and hand towels were then placed into the bathroom and the door of the cubicle in name was locked.
Such a classy joint.
Jason?
http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/driver-banned-until-2020-charged-again/2007/05/28/1180205121959.html
Oh hang on. Jason hasn't been 25 for many years.
Must be his brother.
Or a goblin.
Oh hang on. Jason hasn't been 25 for many years.
Must be his brother.
Or a goblin.
Don't Forget - You Heard It Here First!!!
As you all know, we here at 'Cremorne - The New Black' strive to bring you the latest news on Lower North Shore fashions and trends. We pride ourselves on this website being the Kate Moss of Cremorne, if you will.
Well I hate to gloat, but you will notice that 'squatting' has proved to be a hot topic recently (as evidenced by its appearance on that shining beacon of journalistic standards, Today Tonight).
Yes that's right, you heard it here first that squatting was the new black, way back in November 2006 (before our spiritual leader Pete was banned).
Perhaps if Jason gets sick of squatting at Miss Contradiction's mother's place, he can move into the Antler Bar at the hole!! Won't that be fun for all of us!
That's right, dear blog stalkers, stick with us and you'll always be on the cutting edge of Cremorne/Mosman/Neutral Bay fashions!
Well I hate to gloat, but you will notice that 'squatting' has proved to be a hot topic recently (as evidenced by its appearance on that shining beacon of journalistic standards, Today Tonight).
Yes that's right, you heard it here first that squatting was the new black, way back in November 2006 (before our spiritual leader Pete was banned).
Perhaps if Jason gets sick of squatting at Miss Contradiction's mother's place, he can move into the Antler Bar at the hole!! Won't that be fun for all of us!
That's right, dear blog stalkers, stick with us and you'll always be on the cutting edge of Cremorne/Mosman/Neutral Bay fashions!
Squatters Rights
Recently the occasion arose where I had to consider letting someone house sit my Mum’s place to look after her cat. I had decided that Miss Penelope might be a willing candidate as her current flatmate is a neat freak to the point of ridiculousness, somewhat like the husband on ‘Sleeping with the Enemy’.
One of my Mum’s friends suggested that this was not a good idea as;
1. My friends might pinch something, and;
2. may claim squatters rights and never leave.
SQUATTERS RIGHTS?????????????????????????
I think she came across this theory whilst watching “Today Tonight”…..enough said.
Who does this woman think I associate with? I am hardly going to let someone like Jason stay there. He would sell the place more than likely.
My Mum’s friends are idiots!!!
Friday 25 May 2007
Things You Shouldn't Do!
1. Try to swallow one of those big Aspro Clear dissolvable tablet thingies whole like a normal Panadol. You will spend 10 minutes choking in the bathroom.
Thursday 24 May 2007
The Rumours Are True!!
Yes, I can confirm that the rumours are true about my latest beauty experiment.
I haven't washed my hair for four-and-a-half weeks!!
(With shampoo and conditioner, that is. I still rinse it in the shower).
At first it felt like hell but in the last week it's turned a corner and IT FEELS FINE!!
I'M NEVER USING SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER AGAIN!!
The end.
I haven't washed my hair for four-and-a-half weeks!!
(With shampoo and conditioner, that is. I still rinse it in the shower).
At first it felt like hell but in the last week it's turned a corner and IT FEELS FINE!!
I'M NEVER USING SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER AGAIN!!
The end.
Wednesday 23 May 2007
Guess What?? I've Been Dumped!! Again!!
Yes, the hole and I have broken up.
It appears I am no longer receiving those weekly text message updates of cheap drinks etc.
In fact I had to 'phone a friend' to find out there is $3 champy for the State of Origin tonight.
Well, megahole, I hope you're happy!!
(I miss those text messages. They used to provide a small flash of comic relief in an otherwise boring working day)
It appears I am no longer receiving those weekly text message updates of cheap drinks etc.
In fact I had to 'phone a friend' to find out there is $3 champy for the State of Origin tonight.
Well, megahole, I hope you're happy!!
(I miss those text messages. They used to provide a small flash of comic relief in an otherwise boring working day)
Tuesday 22 May 2007
Come in and see the Good, Good, Good Guys!
I was getting ready for work the other morning, watching Mel & Kochie on Sunrise, when a Good Guys ad came on. Normally I cringe and change the channel, however on this occasion I paused to watch it.
I was immediately impressed by the amount of backflips and sea shanty type dance moves all timed perfectly to that catchy little jingle.
It then occured to me that it must of been Jason who co-ordinated that little number, drawing on his experince in the 'Jokers' dance troupe. You know, the one he was in in his youth (ie a very long time ago) that had 'dance offs' with other dance troupes.
It is just a shame that Jason himself does not appear in the ad. I feel quite ripped off.
Do You Know What Really Annoys Me?
Like really, really annoys me.
When you walk into the megahole for a quick binge drinking session - usually in the afternoon or early evening - and you line up at the bar fanging for a drink and there's only one person serving, despite the fact that there are at least five people waiting to be served.
That would be okay if there was only one member of staff around. I mean I'm not THAT impatient. But then when you look down the bit behind the bar where the pokie area is and there are at least three other staff members milling around, usually chatting to each other or wiping ineffectually at a bit of the bench.
I mean for fuck's sake, GET IN THERE AND SERVE THE ALCOS!! And if they're not 'allowed' to pour drinks yet, MANAGEMENT SHOULD LET THEM!! How hard is it to pour a glass of wine??
When I worked in customer service many, many moons ago (at university, famous newsagency slash bookshop in Manly that is the biggest newsagency in the Southern Hemisphere) I was always told IF THE REGISTERS ARE BUSY, DROP EVERYTHING AND SERVE CUSTOMERS!! THEY ARE THE ONES WHO ARE PAYING YOUR WAGES!! SURPRISE SURPRISE, IF CUSTOMERS STOP COMING YOU WON'T HAVE A JOB!!
Yes I am turning into a cranky, unreasonable bitch in my old age and I am quite aware that publicising my impatience on the Internet in this manner will no doubt result in me receiving even slower service.
P.S. State Of Origin tomorrow!! I am going to the second game at Telstra Stadium in two weeks. Can't wait!!
When you walk into the megahole for a quick binge drinking session - usually in the afternoon or early evening - and you line up at the bar fanging for a drink and there's only one person serving, despite the fact that there are at least five people waiting to be served.
That would be okay if there was only one member of staff around. I mean I'm not THAT impatient. But then when you look down the bit behind the bar where the pokie area is and there are at least three other staff members milling around, usually chatting to each other or wiping ineffectually at a bit of the bench.
I mean for fuck's sake, GET IN THERE AND SERVE THE ALCOS!! And if they're not 'allowed' to pour drinks yet, MANAGEMENT SHOULD LET THEM!! How hard is it to pour a glass of wine??
When I worked in customer service many, many moons ago (at university, famous newsagency slash bookshop in Manly that is the biggest newsagency in the Southern Hemisphere) I was always told IF THE REGISTERS ARE BUSY, DROP EVERYTHING AND SERVE CUSTOMERS!! THEY ARE THE ONES WHO ARE PAYING YOUR WAGES!! SURPRISE SURPRISE, IF CUSTOMERS STOP COMING YOU WON'T HAVE A JOB!!
Yes I am turning into a cranky, unreasonable bitch in my old age and I am quite aware that publicising my impatience on the Internet in this manner will no doubt result in me receiving even slower service.
P.S. State Of Origin tomorrow!! I am going to the second game at Telstra Stadium in two weeks. Can't wait!!
Monday 21 May 2007
Will YOU be my soulmate?
Miss Contradiction and I spent a boozy lunch slash afternoon on Saturday working out who was going to be who in our lives.
This is what we came up with:
Miss Contradiction's life partner and soulmate: Panda
The executor of her will: The glassie, Joe (?)
Her legal advisor: Uncle Pete
Godparents to her children: Licensee and Poncho
My life partner and soulmate: Ivan Milat
The executor of my will: Jason
Legal advisor: That strange guy who works at Peppercorn
Godparents to my children: Missingham and a woman in a chicken suit.
I sent Jason an SMS to ask him if he would be the executor of my will and he didn't respond.
What's up with that?
Sheesh, you try to build a bridge...
This is what we came up with:
Miss Contradiction's life partner and soulmate: Panda
The executor of her will: The glassie, Joe (?)
Her legal advisor: Uncle Pete
Godparents to her children: Licensee and Poncho
My life partner and soulmate: Ivan Milat
The executor of my will: Jason
Legal advisor: That strange guy who works at Peppercorn
Godparents to my children: Missingham and a woman in a chicken suit.
I sent Jason an SMS to ask him if he would be the executor of my will and he didn't respond.
What's up with that?
Sheesh, you try to build a bridge...
Friday 18 May 2007
Pain, Pain, Like Kurt D Cobain
You know how people always say you shouldn't go for a Brazilian (or any sort of major waxing) right before your period?
I always thought that was a myth, but can now confirm that it is indeed correct.
Oh the pain - and I usually have a high pain threshold.
I don't know why I bother anyway. It's not like I'm ever going to have sex again.
I need a stiff drink. Stat!!
I always thought that was a myth, but can now confirm that it is indeed correct.
Oh the pain - and I usually have a high pain threshold.
I don't know why I bother anyway. It's not like I'm ever going to have sex again.
I need a stiff drink. Stat!!
Tuesday 15 May 2007
Wealthy Business Goblin
I typed 'goblin' into Google Images, and look what I came up with:
(Sorry - Blogger is having a conniption and won't upload my precious image - click this link to see it yourself http://worldforgedev.org/wp-content/goblin_preview.jpg)
The resemblance to a certain 'goblin' we all know and 'love' (and by 'love' I mean 'despise') is uncanny.
Jason is often pantless and leering at people with his arms up in the air and I think that aspect of him has been captured well here.
All it needs is an ice pipe hanging out of its mouth and I'd be hard pressed to tell the difference.
In fact, I think this picture is more attractive than the REAL Jason, don't you?
(Sorry - Blogger is having a conniption and won't upload my precious image - click this link to see it yourself http://worldforgedev.org/wp-content/goblin_preview.jpg)
The resemblance to a certain 'goblin' we all know and 'love' (and by 'love' I mean 'despise') is uncanny.
Jason is often pantless and leering at people with his arms up in the air and I think that aspect of him has been captured well here.
All it needs is an ice pipe hanging out of its mouth and I'd be hard pressed to tell the difference.
In fact, I think this picture is more attractive than the REAL Jason, don't you?
Saturday 12 May 2007
Call Now For Sexy Fun Times
Miss Contradiction and I got drunk last night. We both started out at work drinks, then migrated to the hole, then all of a sudden decided that we needed to push ourselves outside our comfort zone. Yes ladies and gentlemen, we went to the Buena Vista.
After being there for an hour, it became apparent just why we stick to our comfort zones: because we are socially inept and nobody likes us.
Funny story that I forgot about until today. Did I ever post about how Jason used to be in a dance troupe as a teenager? They were called The Goblins or something... no wait, The Jokers, that's right.
He and his gang would roam around the Western Suburbs having dance offs with random gangs at train stations, scout halls, etc. Say there was a girl two members from different troupes liked, the troupes would dance off to see who 'won' her (hopefully any girl would have had the sense to walk away from this scene).
Apparently this made him quite 'popular' with the ladies. How sad for Jason... these days the only tools he has to get women into bed are a pocketful of lies and a little vial of GHB.
After being there for an hour, it became apparent just why we stick to our comfort zones: because we are socially inept and nobody likes us.
Funny story that I forgot about until today. Did I ever post about how Jason used to be in a dance troupe as a teenager? They were called The Goblins or something... no wait, The Jokers, that's right.
He and his gang would roam around the Western Suburbs having dance offs with random gangs at train stations, scout halls, etc. Say there was a girl two members from different troupes liked, the troupes would dance off to see who 'won' her (hopefully any girl would have had the sense to walk away from this scene).
Apparently this made him quite 'popular' with the ladies. How sad for Jason... these days the only tools he has to get women into bed are a pocketful of lies and a little vial of GHB.
Friday 11 May 2007
Sam Brett Tackles "THE BIG ISSUES"
Can you be in love with two people at once?
Well, I don't see why not. In fact, I see nothing wrong with being in love with several people at the same time. In the same bed.
In fact, I am currently in love with BOTH my substance abuse problem and Jason.
Oh wait. No. I hate both those things. I hate it when I get myself confused like that.
Well, I don't see why not. In fact, I see nothing wrong with being in love with several people at the same time. In the same bed.
In fact, I am currently in love with BOTH my substance abuse problem and Jason.
Oh wait. No. I hate both those things. I hate it when I get myself confused like that.
URGENT ADVICE NEEDED!!
Should I buy a Megadeth t-shirt?
Ok this whole purchasing thing has gotten out of hand.
Thursday 10 May 2007
New Advertising Campaign for the Hole
I think this speaks for itself.Truth in advertising....what an interesting idea!!!
I love it!!!
GUESS WHAT?????????
No-one won the badge draw
I was right.
By the time it goes off, the prize money will be the equivalent of the GDP of Uzbekistan.
Bloody Idiots.
I was right.
By the time it goes off, the prize money will be the equivalent of the GDP of Uzbekistan.
Bloody Idiots.
Wednesday 9 May 2007
BREAKING NEWS!!
This is actually old news to Miss Contradiction and I, but I don't think I've shared it with the general population yet.
JASON AND BAD SMELL HAVE BROKEN UP!!
Apparently Jason went berko one night (presumably in one of his ice-induced fits of psychosis) and randomly erased every single female from Bad Smell's phone, including myself.
Perhaps this is good news. I was wondering how Bad Smell would cope without his life partner while Jason serves his time in Long Bay jail.
Here are some blasts from the past in the meantime:
'The Well Of Shame'
'Long Bay Jason'
'I Hate Jason'
'Best Prank Ever'
JASON AND BAD SMELL HAVE BROKEN UP!!
Apparently Jason went berko one night (presumably in one of his ice-induced fits of psychosis) and randomly erased every single female from Bad Smell's phone, including myself.
Perhaps this is good news. I was wondering how Bad Smell would cope without his life partner while Jason serves his time in Long Bay jail.
Here are some blasts from the past in the meantime:
'The Well Of Shame'
'Long Bay Jason'
'I Hate Jason'
'Best Prank Ever'
I hereby Boycott the 'Badge Draw'
Yes, it is I....Miss Contradiction - I have returned. I would like to say I have been off doing something interesting and productive with my time, however truth be told I forgot my password to log in until just then.
I am not going to the badge draw. I reckon I would have a better chance of getting a return if I invested the $20 I would have spent on champy at the badge draw in one of those dodgy Nigerian scams.
Bloody idiots.
I am not going to the badge draw. I reckon I would have a better chance of getting a return if I invested the $20 I would have spent on champy at the badge draw in one of those dodgy Nigerian scams.
Bloody idiots.
Tuesday 8 May 2007
FIGHTING... OFF... URGE... TO... PURCHASE!!
I am seriously considering buying these incredibly sexy Miu Miu pumps from Net A Porter.
The problem is that the $500 could probably be better spent on something else, like, oh I don't know, paying the rent.
Aside from the fact that I never really go anywhere except for dingy pubs such as the hole and the RSL and my shoes are really wasted on those establishments.
Maybe I should just accept that I'm going to die old, alone and broke with nothing but a collection of designer shoes to keep me warm at night.
Dear God, how I love shoes.
The problem is that the $500 could probably be better spent on something else, like, oh I don't know, paying the rent.
Aside from the fact that I never really go anywhere except for dingy pubs such as the hole and the RSL and my shoes are really wasted on those establishments.
Maybe I should just accept that I'm going to die old, alone and broke with nothing but a collection of designer shoes to keep me warm at night.
Dear God, how I love shoes.
Monday 7 May 2007
Megahole Update WE 6/5/07
Well I haven't really been haunting the hole much lately as I'm going through a fat, lazy hibernation stage so I can't really be much good to anyone in reporting the latest shenanigans and antics of all the locals and yokels alike.Although I did put in a brief appearance on Saturday afternoon, I haven't been there otherwise in the last couple of weeks.
There has been some quality programming on Foxtel recently (I have developed an obsession with Boston Legal on top of my Law & Order fascination) and that's taking precedence over getting off my face at the pub and stalking random people.
Hopefully I will be re-energised in the next couple of weeks and undertake a weekend bender. Though I must say that I have saved myself a shitload of money recently. I have this horrible urge to spend it all because I have no idea how to save money, what should I spend it on? I need some totally stupid and extravagant purchase to admire.
In the meantime, does anyone have any exciting news to report from the land of the hole or any of our other fine local drinking establishments?
Sunday 6 May 2007
Pack Your Valtrex!!
PARIS 'HERPES' HILTON IS GOING TO JAIL FOR 45 DAYS!!
That is so exciting. I hate the bitch!!
That is so exciting. I hate the bitch!!
Saturday 5 May 2007
Forgive Me For I Have Sinned
In the tradition of sites such as Post Secret (I love this site), post all your deepest darkest confessions here (anonymously of course).
I'll start with one but please note that if I decide to post anymore they will be done anonymously.
I accidentally slept with my ex-boyfriend (Bad Smell) last weekend... three times in 10 hours... and I can't remember any of it.
It doesn't count if you don't remember it, right?
Anyway that's my story and I'm sticking with it so if anyone asks it's still been four months.
HAVE FUN!!
I'll start with one but please note that if I decide to post anymore they will be done anonymously.
I accidentally slept with my ex-boyfriend (Bad Smell) last weekend... three times in 10 hours... and I can't remember any of it.
It doesn't count if you don't remember it, right?
Anyway that's my story and I'm sticking with it so if anyone asks it's still been four months.
HAVE FUN!!
Friday 4 May 2007
Jason "Anthony Robbins" Gray
Last night Miss Contradiction and I decided Jason (our mortal enemy) should really consider becoming a published author.
I was lying in bed battling another bout of insomnia when I had this revelation. So I wrote Miss Contradiction a message saying "Jason should write a book of hints and tips for losers".
She wrote back and said "101 Shady Hints For Wealthy Businessmen".
Me: Except his target audience would never waste precious pokie money on a book. Q: What do Bad Smell and ice have in common? A: Jason uses both of them.
Miss Contradiction: When the bastard child is born, will the doctor slap Jason?
Me: No he will try to dispose of Jason with the rest of the foetal waste after mistaking him for a 98th trimester abortion.
Miss Contradiction: I do that all the time. The resemblance is uncanny.
Me: Actually no. I was wrong. More like 151st trimester abortion.
JASON IF YOU WROTE A BOOK, NO ONE WOULD BUY IT BECAUSE YOU SUCK!!!
I am going to get drunk at the pub tonight and send him threatening, creepy messages from the stalking phone.
I was lying in bed battling another bout of insomnia when I had this revelation. So I wrote Miss Contradiction a message saying "Jason should write a book of hints and tips for losers".
She wrote back and said "101 Shady Hints For Wealthy Businessmen".
Me: Except his target audience would never waste precious pokie money on a book. Q: What do Bad Smell and ice have in common? A: Jason uses both of them.
Miss Contradiction: When the bastard child is born, will the doctor slap Jason?
Me: No he will try to dispose of Jason with the rest of the foetal waste after mistaking him for a 98th trimester abortion.
Miss Contradiction: I do that all the time. The resemblance is uncanny.
Me: Actually no. I was wrong. More like 151st trimester abortion.
JASON IF YOU WROTE A BOOK, NO ONE WOULD BUY IT BECAUSE YOU SUCK!!!
I am going to get drunk at the pub tonight and send him threatening, creepy messages from the stalking phone.
Thursday 3 May 2007
HELP I CAN'T STOP SHOPPING!!!
As above.
In times of stress, I turn to retail therapy and unfortunately I've gone a little overboard the last few days.
It all started yesterday when I decided I needed a new pair of pyjamas for winter. Fair enough, so I hopped onto the train during my lunch hour and went to Chatswood to peruse the Peter Alexander store.
Twenty minutes later I walked out of the store with a new pair of pjyama pants, a new tartan nightie (yes it is a nightie but looks like something you'd see in a Rogue Traders film clip) and a new pair of ugg boots.
As if that wasn't enough, I returned to the office and decided I urgently needed a new pair of Roberto Cavalli sunglasses which I should have by the end of the week.
Now I am desperately fighting off the urge to visit the Le Mien handbag sale in Rushcutters Bay.
Quelle horreur!
In times of stress, I turn to retail therapy and unfortunately I've gone a little overboard the last few days.
It all started yesterday when I decided I needed a new pair of pyjamas for winter. Fair enough, so I hopped onto the train during my lunch hour and went to Chatswood to peruse the Peter Alexander store.
Twenty minutes later I walked out of the store with a new pair of pjyama pants, a new tartan nightie (yes it is a nightie but looks like something you'd see in a Rogue Traders film clip) and a new pair of ugg boots.
As if that wasn't enough, I returned to the office and decided I urgently needed a new pair of Roberto Cavalli sunglasses which I should have by the end of the week.
Now I am desperately fighting off the urge to visit the Le Mien handbag sale in Rushcutters Bay.
Quelle horreur!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
