Panda News!

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Minsky's sucks.

Ok, I'm trying to boycott going to the Hole but it hasn't worked when I am drunk. I have ended up in Minsky's not once but 2 nights in a row because I was intoxicated.
You would have thought I would have learned my lesson after Friday night, but NO. I ended up there last night SMASHED and some stupid low life c*#t stole my mobile phone while I was arguing with the bouncer who was trying to kick my mate out.
I HATE that place and now that place has taken away one of the most important things in my life. I have no one's numbers now, I have no photo's, especially my favourite which was of Town Bike and Panda when they became BBF's. I have no alarm clock.
God damn the hole.

Happy Birthday Jason, Love Panda

Well it was Miss Contradiction’s birthday yesterday and we undertook a fairly hefty 13-hour bender on Saturday night to celebrate (hole, Peppercorn, Miss Contradiction's house, Oaks, Miss Contradiction's house, hole). I didn't pick up unfortunately, despite my best efforts.

We were supposed to go to Canada Day yesterday but as we both woke up a bit dusty we decided to stay home and watch Twin Peaks instead, after breakfasting on pasta and quiche. I supervised while Miss Contradiction cooked.

It was also a day of many random text messages sent to all and sundry, including messages to various people saying “Happy birthday Panda, love Jason” and “Can you please drop some ice over in the mail box” and an all-time corker “Can you please drop a Marilyna’s pizza over, you can put it under the door, as well as a hat and a turtle” (actually I think I sent that one to everyone in my phone).

God we are so funny sometimes.

PS The hole is still boring and full of losers.

Panda The Photo Op Whore!!!!!

This is our friend/stalkee Panda at The Oaks last Saturday night.

He likes to 'Panda' to the occasion!!

P.S. What is Panda's real name.

Will YOU be my soulmate?

Miss Contradiction and I spent a boozy lunch slash afternoon on Saturday working out who was going to be who in our lives.

This is what we came up with:

Miss Contradiction's life partner and soulmate: Panda
The executor of her will: The glassie, Joe (?)
Her legal advisor: Uncle Pete
Godparents to her children: Licensee and Poncho

My life partner and soulmate: Ivan Milat
The executor of my will: Jason
Legal advisor: That strange guy who works at Peppercorn
Godparents to my children: Missingham and a woman in a chicken suit.

I sent Jason an SMS to ask him if he would be the executor of my will and he didn't respond.

What's up with that?

Sheesh, you try to build a bridge...

Stalking Update 01.04.07

Here's a list of people Miss Contradiction and I were stalking last night whilst off our faces, both on the stalking phone and in person:

* Andrew
* Jason
* Bad Smell
* Kylie Mole
* Red Blob
* Panda
* Licensee
* Random 20 year olds
* The guy we thought was Robbie several weeks ago (also found out it wasn't actually Robbie)

One of them has to give in and sleep with me eventually.

Banned From The Pub: The New Black?

It has come to our attention that getting banned from the pub is the new pastime du jour for the regulars and semi-regulars of Cremorne.

Perhaps after years of spending TOO MUCH time at the pub, many familiar faces feel that the only way to improve on spending every waking moment at the Megahole is to be denied entry altogether.

Here’s our tribute to those who have gone before us into banning paradise, and those who really should be banned.

The recently banned

Stalker (does anyone know his real name? – Peter and some Polish last name that sounds suspiciously like 'smorgasboard', we have just been told): For services rendered to the stalking community and giving so much excitement to all the locals of Cremorne.

Rocket Rod: For being a lascivious arseclown. With him gone, who will comment on our chests and/or lovely red lips? Or remind us that “these fists have hit women before”. Very attractive behaviour indeed and almost certain to get a girl in the sack.

Andy: For getting into a fight with Missingham.

Missingham: For getting into a fight with Andy.

Danny: For getting into a fight with Panda.

Panda: For getting into fights with everybody.


Those who should be banned

Rachel (2NDSWM): Because she has lego hair and used to go out with Jason, rending her unfit to be alive.

Jason (AKA Dave Gray; Faggotini; Russell Crowe): Because he is Jason, and (ir)relevant. Plus he wears an ugly overcoat and looks like an extra who has been ejected from the set of Romper Stomper.

Kylie & Jen: Does this really need an explanation? I think not.

Uncle Pete: Just so he goes home sometime. Actually he gets a mini ban every night so maybe this is a little extreme. But all is forgiven come beer-o-clock the next day – ie, 3pm on weekdays and 11am on weekends – and he's back in the pub, greeting the new sunrise with a fresh schooie.

Becky: See above.

Miss Contradiction and Town Bike: So we can be up with the trend.