Stalking Update 01.04.07

Here's a list of people Miss Contradiction and I were stalking last night whilst off our faces, both on the stalking phone and in person:

* Andrew
* Jason
* Bad Smell
* Kylie Mole
* Red Blob
* Panda
* Licensee
* Random 20 year olds
* The guy we thought was Robbie several weeks ago (also found out it wasn't actually Robbie)

One of them has to give in and sleep with me eventually.

Nightclub: Full Report

Well I finally got to see the new nightclub last night. We were going to go on Friday but there was a massive crowd and line and seeing as I am not good with either crowds or lines that wouldn't have been a great idea. Plus one of my nemesises (Kylie Mole) was there so I had to make a quick exit for fear that her scary boyfriend was going to bash me up.

But I digress. So I saw the nightclub last night. I very much enjoyed the free grog and food. I was starving so started stalking the girls with the tray around the room. As for the new nightclub itself: I didn't hate it. I fully expected to. Heck I wanted to. But I didn't.

That being said, I didn't love it either. It was very... what's the right word... oh yes. I know: so-so. So I guess it was named appropriately after all.

I do like the room upstairs. I am thinking of hiring it out for my birthday in March as a joke. Seeing as my dad hired the nightclub out for my 21st several years ago (yes sad I know), I think it would be funny. Just for old times sake.

My night however was spoiled by the fact that my back/leg is still sore and I was hobbling around like a cripple. IT'S SO ANNOYING!!

However I don't think that in future I will be paying $10 to get in there. I object to paying cover charges. As my old father says, never pay for anything you can get for free: water, parking and sex. Add nightclubs to that list.

So I guess I'll have to find out who I have to give blowjobs to so I can get in for free when I am off my face and need something to do. Hopefully it isn't Nathan because in that case I think I'll just stay home and watch Law & Order.

Banned From The Pub: The New Black?

It has come to our attention that getting banned from the pub is the new pastime du jour for the regulars and semi-regulars of Cremorne.

Perhaps after years of spending TOO MUCH time at the pub, many familiar faces feel that the only way to improve on spending every waking moment at the Megahole is to be denied entry altogether.

Here’s our tribute to those who have gone before us into banning paradise, and those who really should be banned.

The recently banned

Stalker (does anyone know his real name? – Peter and some Polish last name that sounds suspiciously like 'smorgasboard', we have just been told): For services rendered to the stalking community and giving so much excitement to all the locals of Cremorne.

Rocket Rod: For being a lascivious arseclown. With him gone, who will comment on our chests and/or lovely red lips? Or remind us that “these fists have hit women before”. Very attractive behaviour indeed and almost certain to get a girl in the sack.

Andy: For getting into a fight with Missingham.

Missingham: For getting into a fight with Andy.

Danny: For getting into a fight with Panda.

Panda: For getting into fights with everybody.


Those who should be banned

Rachel (2NDSWM): Because she has lego hair and used to go out with Jason, rending her unfit to be alive.

Jason (AKA Dave Gray; Faggotini; Russell Crowe): Because he is Jason, and (ir)relevant. Plus he wears an ugly overcoat and looks like an extra who has been ejected from the set of Romper Stomper.

Kylie & Jen: Does this really need an explanation? I think not.

Uncle Pete: Just so he goes home sometime. Actually he gets a mini ban every night so maybe this is a little extreme. But all is forgiven come beer-o-clock the next day – ie, 3pm on weekdays and 11am on weekends – and he's back in the pub, greeting the new sunrise with a fresh schooie.

Becky: See above.

Miss Contradiction and Town Bike: So we can be up with the trend.