Banned From The Pub: The New Black?

It has come to our attention that getting banned from the pub is the new pastime du jour for the regulars and semi-regulars of Cremorne.

Perhaps after years of spending TOO MUCH time at the pub, many familiar faces feel that the only way to improve on spending every waking moment at the Megahole is to be denied entry altogether.

Here’s our tribute to those who have gone before us into banning paradise, and those who really should be banned.

The recently banned

Stalker (does anyone know his real name? – Peter and some Polish last name that sounds suspiciously like 'smorgasboard', we have just been told): For services rendered to the stalking community and giving so much excitement to all the locals of Cremorne.

Rocket Rod: For being a lascivious arseclown. With him gone, who will comment on our chests and/or lovely red lips? Or remind us that “these fists have hit women before”. Very attractive behaviour indeed and almost certain to get a girl in the sack.

Andy: For getting into a fight with Missingham.

Missingham: For getting into a fight with Andy.

Danny: For getting into a fight with Panda.

Panda: For getting into fights with everybody.


Those who should be banned

Rachel (2NDSWM): Because she has lego hair and used to go out with Jason, rending her unfit to be alive.

Jason (AKA Dave Gray; Faggotini; Russell Crowe): Because he is Jason, and (ir)relevant. Plus he wears an ugly overcoat and looks like an extra who has been ejected from the set of Romper Stomper.

Kylie & Jen: Does this really need an explanation? I think not.

Uncle Pete: Just so he goes home sometime. Actually he gets a mini ban every night so maybe this is a little extreme. But all is forgiven come beer-o-clock the next day – ie, 3pm on weekdays and 11am on weekends – and he's back in the pub, greeting the new sunrise with a fresh schooie.

Becky: See above.

Miss Contradiction and Town Bike: So we can be up with the trend.