Miss Contradiction and I spent a boozy lunch slash afternoon on Saturday working out who was going to be who in our lives.
This is what we came up with:
Miss Contradiction's life partner and soulmate: Panda
The executor of her will: The glassie, Joe (?)
Her legal advisor: Uncle Pete
Godparents to her children: Licensee and Poncho
My life partner and soulmate: Ivan Milat
The executor of my will: Jason
Legal advisor: That strange guy who works at Peppercorn
Godparents to my children: Missingham and a woman in a chicken suit.
I sent Jason an SMS to ask him if he would be the executor of my will and he didn't respond.
What's up with that?
Sheesh, you try to build a bridge...
Showing posts with label Missingham. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Missingham. Show all posts
Monday, 21 May 2007
Sunday, 18 February 2007
Weekend Wrap Up
Well it certainly was another fun weekend (and by fun, I mean drunken).
It all started when Miss Contradiction and I started drinking at the spiritual home on Friday afternoon. Somehow several hours magically passed and we were at the Blues Point Hotel, we haven't been there since they've reopened it after the fire. We were leering drunkenly at strangers and I started reminiscing about the time I had a bad Crohn's Disease episode in the toilets three or so years ago (not a pretty story).
Eventually one of our many nemesises put in a surprise appearance (let's call him Missingham because that's his name) so we made a hasty exit back to the spiritual hole.
Once again several hours magically passed and all of a sudden Naroomina loomed up. Miss Contradiction decided to desert us for 'someone who shall remain nameless' so we ended up stumbling around until the early hours stalking Will. I tried to woo him unsuccessfully by showing him an old video card of my parents I keep in my wallet (don't ask). Naroomina was mainly starstruck and felt like she was living in the pages of a Dolly magazine circa 1998.
We also had another brush with fame of sorts. Some bald Irish guy tried to chat us up when we were lurking downstairs and claimed to be the brother of some guy who won Australian Idol last year. My first response was "Who?" because I don't watch the show. Then when I realised who he was talking about I said that I hated his brother and he was an awful singer. Amazingly the guy kept standing there like we owed him something. I owe him nothing, I don't vote for that stupid show and even if I did it wouldn't be for the bald Irish guy whose name I don't know.
Saturday night Miss Contradiciton piked so Naroomina and I headed into the Cross for a change of scene. We ended up at the Bourbon where we got chatted up by an 18 year old whose opening line was 'how old are you ladies' then 'where do you live' followed by 'I'm not trying to get into your pants'. Smooth.
We headed back to the spiritual home for some more Will stalking but unfortunately he was in the piano bar and as we both hate the piano bar (or the dry cleaners as I like to call it, as it's the best place to pick up a suit) there was not much stalking to be had. As there were no other minor celebrities on hand to stalk and harass we decided to call it a night and head home.
The end.
It all started when Miss Contradiction and I started drinking at the spiritual home on Friday afternoon. Somehow several hours magically passed and we were at the Blues Point Hotel, we haven't been there since they've reopened it after the fire. We were leering drunkenly at strangers and I started reminiscing about the time I had a bad Crohn's Disease episode in the toilets three or so years ago (not a pretty story).
Eventually one of our many nemesises put in a surprise appearance (let's call him Missingham because that's his name) so we made a hasty exit back to the spiritual hole.
Once again several hours magically passed and all of a sudden Naroomina loomed up. Miss Contradiction decided to desert us for 'someone who shall remain nameless' so we ended up stumbling around until the early hours stalking Will. I tried to woo him unsuccessfully by showing him an old video card of my parents I keep in my wallet (don't ask). Naroomina was mainly starstruck and felt like she was living in the pages of a Dolly magazine circa 1998.
We also had another brush with fame of sorts. Some bald Irish guy tried to chat us up when we were lurking downstairs and claimed to be the brother of some guy who won Australian Idol last year. My first response was "Who?" because I don't watch the show. Then when I realised who he was talking about I said that I hated his brother and he was an awful singer. Amazingly the guy kept standing there like we owed him something. I owe him nothing, I don't vote for that stupid show and even if I did it wouldn't be for the bald Irish guy whose name I don't know.
Saturday night Miss Contradiciton piked so Naroomina and I headed into the Cross for a change of scene. We ended up at the Bourbon where we got chatted up by an 18 year old whose opening line was 'how old are you ladies' then 'where do you live' followed by 'I'm not trying to get into your pants'. Smooth.
We headed back to the spiritual home for some more Will stalking but unfortunately he was in the piano bar and as we both hate the piano bar (or the dry cleaners as I like to call it, as it's the best place to pick up a suit) there was not much stalking to be had. As there were no other minor celebrities on hand to stalk and harass we decided to call it a night and head home.
The end.
Wednesday, 15 November 2006
Banned From The Pub: The New Black?
It has come to our attention that getting banned from the pub is the new pastime du jour for the regulars and semi-regulars of Cremorne.
Perhaps after years of spending TOO MUCH time at the pub, many familiar faces feel that the only way to improve on spending every waking moment at the Megahole is to be denied entry altogether.
Here’s our tribute to those who have gone before us into banning paradise, and those who really should be banned.
The recently banned
Stalker (does anyone know his real name? – Peter and some Polish last name that sounds suspiciously like 'smorgasboard', we have just been told): For services rendered to the stalking community and giving so much excitement to all the locals of Cremorne.
Rocket Rod: For being a lascivious arseclown. With him gone, who will comment on our chests and/or lovely red lips? Or remind us that “these fists have hit women before”. Very attractive behaviour indeed and almost certain to get a girl in the sack.
Andy: For getting into a fight with Missingham.
Missingham: For getting into a fight with Andy.
Danny: For getting into a fight with Panda.
Panda: For getting into fights with everybody.
Those who should be banned
Rachel (2NDSWM): Because she has lego hair and used to go out with Jason, rending her unfit to be alive.
Jason (AKA Dave Gray; Faggotini; Russell Crowe): Because he is Jason, and (ir)relevant. Plus he wears an ugly overcoat and looks like an extra who has been ejected from the set of Romper Stomper.
Kylie & Jen: Does this really need an explanation? I think not.
Uncle Pete: Just so he goes home sometime. Actually he gets a mini ban every night so maybe this is a little extreme. But all is forgiven come beer-o-clock the next day – ie, 3pm on weekdays and 11am on weekends – and he's back in the pub, greeting the new sunrise with a fresh schooie.
Becky: See above.
Miss Contradiction and Town Bike: So we can be up with the trend.
Perhaps after years of spending TOO MUCH time at the pub, many familiar faces feel that the only way to improve on spending every waking moment at the Megahole is to be denied entry altogether.
Here’s our tribute to those who have gone before us into banning paradise, and those who really should be banned.
The recently banned
Stalker (does anyone know his real name? – Peter and some Polish last name that sounds suspiciously like 'smorgasboard', we have just been told): For services rendered to the stalking community and giving so much excitement to all the locals of Cremorne.
Rocket Rod: For being a lascivious arseclown. With him gone, who will comment on our chests and/or lovely red lips? Or remind us that “these fists have hit women before”. Very attractive behaviour indeed and almost certain to get a girl in the sack.
Andy: For getting into a fight with Missingham.
Missingham: For getting into a fight with Andy.
Danny: For getting into a fight with Panda.
Panda: For getting into fights with everybody.
Those who should be banned
Rachel (2NDSWM): Because she has lego hair and used to go out with Jason, rending her unfit to be alive.
Jason (AKA Dave Gray; Faggotini; Russell Crowe): Because he is Jason, and (ir)relevant. Plus he wears an ugly overcoat and looks like an extra who has been ejected from the set of Romper Stomper.
Kylie & Jen: Does this really need an explanation? I think not.
Uncle Pete: Just so he goes home sometime. Actually he gets a mini ban every night so maybe this is a little extreme. But all is forgiven come beer-o-clock the next day – ie, 3pm on weekdays and 11am on weekends – and he's back in the pub, greeting the new sunrise with a fresh schooie.
Becky: See above.
Miss Contradiction and Town Bike: So we can be up with the trend.
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