Ahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Looky here what I found on Facebook:



Robbie looks so good in this outfit. I reckon he should wear it all the time.

It almost makes me wish I hadn't been too off my face to go to Robbie's party on Saturday night. This shit alone would have been worth the cover charge.

Robbie Is A Loser (But You Already Knew That, Right?)

Earlier this morning I received a Facebook invitation to Robbie’s 25^th birthday, of course to be held at the Sobar.

I immediately declined as I think Robbie is a loser but on further inspection I realised he has invited EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON HIS FACEBOOK PAGE. Yes, all 50 million of them. WTF? Do you really think you’re that popular mate?

A few points:

According to Robbie it’s “all downhill” after 25. And WTF, quarter life crisis? You actually think you’re going to live to 100?? Pfft.

The theme is “school uniform”. Apparently we are supposed to get out our old “ruggers” and “make fools of ourselves”.

He makes me want to punch him in his arrogant face.

Actually on second thoughts maybe I will go just to laugh at him and stalk him.

You can see the details here

Happy Birthday To Meeee

As you may or may not know, this weekend just gone was my birthday weekend. I had been saving myself up to end my one-month drinking ban in a spectacular and embarrassing fashion. After dolling ourselves up in inappropriate formal wear, we headed off to The Loft.

Suffice to say that after not drinking for a month, the alcohol went straight to my head. In fact after only three drinks I was already slurring and making absolutely no sense. Naroomina forced us all to pose for some photos and I complied so that might give you a sense of the level of intoxication I had reached by that stage. For some reason there is also a photo amongst the bunch of an oyster. Well at least I assume it was an oyster. I’m not entirely sure what all that’s about.

Anyway naturally we ended up back at the hole, seeing as they emailed me offering a $50 bar tab for my birthday. $50 my arse. Seriously, all we did was take the bar tab to different bars and we ended up spending over $100 without paying a cent. Goes to show how the hole’s business model needs a bit of fine tuning. Robbie was there for some reason on the door of Sobar. What’s the go with Robbie? Does he work there or something? Or does he just like standing in doorways? I like lurking in doorways but not usually at 2am. Well okay sometimes at 2am.

Anyway Naroomina and I started talking to a couple of blokes in the nightclub. Miss Contradiction had wandered off at this stage to fraternise with some locals. This one bloke who claimed to be some sort of diver (perhaps even a navy clearance diver) was trying to chat up Naroomina so he foisted his wingman off onto me. You know how it is. I hate feeling like the ugly friend who needs to be distracted. Especially on my birthday. Anyway the wingman was quite hot and a personal trainer and obviously willing to take one for the team but for some stupid reason I decided to wander off. For fuck’s sake. How dumb do I want to be?

Anyway Miss Contradiction and I got bored without any losers around we could stalk so we wandered home at around 2am.

The next day we ended up at The Oaks then the hole but I can’t really remember much of it, maybe Miss Contradiction can fill you all in more. I vaguely remember the day involving Uncle Pete and the weird French Canadian Irish bloke.

Oh yeah, and Jason can fire people now.

I told him to listen to his heart.

Sorry if this writing is rather mundane but I am currently in recovery phase and not thinking very clearly.

The end.

Breaking News: I'm Hideous When I'm Drunk

Naroomina and I were lurking around the hole last night blind drunk. And I mean really really drunk. And guess what. We saw the REAL Robbie. And guess what again. He's actually kind of hot. We both agreed. He was stamping wrists on the door at SoBar.

When I saw that he's hot, naturally I had to go up and make an absolute dick of myself. I told him he's on my Facebook page and then told him my name like he was supposed to know me. He looked at me blankly. Probably because he has like 60 million Facebook friends. I have 68. Then my shoe fell off. I said something about his dentist and walked away. Okay I didn't say it, it was more like a slur.

Then I stumbled home and passed out.

P.S. Derek passed away from lung cancer early Friday morning. Hole regulars may know Derek as the middle-aged man in the yellow 2nds World shirt who practically lived at the hole weekdays after work. It's sad. Derek was a sweetie. Bad Smell is devastated as they were very close.

WARNING!!

Warning to everyone who is planning on coming into contact with me over the next 3 weeks!!

I am back on that charming corticosteriod Prednisone for out-of-control Crohn's Colitis and am about to have a psychotic break thanks to the mood swings and insomnia!!

SOMETIMES I WISH THEY'D JUST TAKE MY BLOODY INTESTINE OUT (pun intended)!!

REEEAAARGHH

Perhaps I can use my mood for good instead of evil and beat someone up at the pub this week. Perhaps even Robbie if you're all lucky.

Robbie Impersonator Reads This Site

Perhaps some of you may remember news of the fake Robbie from some months ago - a guy I thought was Robbie but it turns out I was actually just off my face and thought everyone was Robbie.

Here are some links if you need an update on the story:

Robbie's MySpace
Robbie Is Very Learned
Robbie Is Such A Prankster
Keep Pranking Robbie
Stalking Update

It turns out that the Robbie impersonator (who in retrospect looks nothing like Robbie) reads this site.

FUNNY, HUH?

Stalking Update 01.04.07

Here's a list of people Miss Contradiction and I were stalking last night whilst off our faces, both on the stalking phone and in person:

* Andrew
* Jason
* Bad Smell
* Kylie Mole
* Red Blob
* Panda
* Licensee
* Random 20 year olds
* The guy we thought was Robbie several weeks ago (also found out it wasn't actually Robbie)

One of them has to give in and sleep with me eventually.

Keep Pranking, Robbie!

Robbie Is Such A Prankster!

Check him out doing this cool artistic shot!

P.S. Stop putting photos of you acting like a fuckbucket on your MySpace you tool.

Robbie Is Very Learned

Now as Miss Contradiction pointed out, Robbie has for some reason or other put a quote from Romeo and Juliet on his MySpace blog. And I quote:

"Hey Im Robbie, I live in Sydney Australia... From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean"

Okaaaaaaay. I mean I'm all for Shakespeare, I was forced to study his works extensively at school/uni, but doesn't that seem a little out of place on a webpage that is otherwise devoted to 'dirty funken beats' and group pictures in the SoSoBar?

And why the hell did he choose that quote? Does he actually know what it means? It's basically saying two families hate each other. Is there something Robbie needs to get off his chest?

To celebrate literacy week, I'm changing the quote on this site to one of my favourite ever Shakespeare lines. Points to anyone who can name the play and the meaning.

No Robbie, I Will Not Sleep With You

Well Miss Contradiction and I embarked on the bender to end all benders last night.

We met Miss Penelope at the Lenin Bar for a couple (AKA 100) of drinks then headed back to our spiritual home.

We managed to stay until closing time and - oh yes, I have had a week of celebrity sightings indeed.

WE SAW ROBBIE (click for more info). Yes he of the man foundation and hair straighteners.

When I pointed him out to Miss Contradiction, she proceeded to yell out to him and tell him that we 'love his work'. And we made mysterious keyboard typing signals at him.

But that wasn't enough for me. Yes, I decided to ensconce myself in a booth with Robbie and his friends and - don't be jealous - I think he was trying to hit on me.

At any rate he asked me to go for a swim with him and I was like yeah SURE Robbie. But I couldn't just say I didn't want to go for a swim with him. Oh no, I had to tell a complete lie and say I had my period. Which I didn't. And then go into graphic detail about my imaginary period and tell him it would be like a scene from Jaws. Not surprisingly, he left not long after that.

Good ol' Robbie.

In other news, I have never been less sexually attracted to Bad Smell in my life and would really like to hop into bed with someone else. I think I have the potential to become a big ol' slut in my old age. What's up with that?

However in all my desperate hormonal glory I still wouldn't sleep with Robbie. I respect our friendship too much.

I've forgotten how to pick up after 2.5 years out of the game. Anyone have any tips?