First of all, he lured me to the badge draw with the promise of repaying some of the money he owes me. I didn’t want to go. I have better things to do on a Wednesday night, like watch Law & Order reruns on Foxtel and watch my cat throw up under the dining table.
Unfortunately by the time I got there, he’d done the money he was going to repay me on the horses. Which was an inauspicious start to the night.
Then – here’s a corker – Miss Contradiction and I started talking about my upcoming birthday and it came out that HE HAS NO IDEA WHEN MY BIRTHDAY IS. He doesn’t even know what month it’s in. You’d think that after TWO AND A HALF YEARS of knowing each other and almost as long being together, he might have a vague idea.
But no. He apparently knows when Jason’s birthday is, he knows when my sister’s birthday is, but he doesn’t know when my birthday is.
I was seriously about to glass him with his own schooner, except I have too much respect for alcohol to do that.
However it wasn’t all bad. He did manage to win half a case of beer playing the ‘heads or tails’ games. He was very proud of his ability to randomly guess which side of the coin is going to come up when it’s tossed in the air. Yes Bad Smell, you may have no idea and a gambling problem, but AT LEAST YOU CAN PICK HEADS OR TAILS!! NEXT TIME I’M IN A LIFE AND DEATH SITUATION INVOLVING CALLING HEADS OR TAILS, I’LL BE SURE TO RING YOU!!!
It would appear that the only things he knows about me are my bra size and my menstrual cycle. I’m surprised he doesn’t refer to me as ‘12D’.
Goddamit. I think it might be time for Bad Smell to go back to being my ex-boyfriend again. I’m sure I can find myself a new Bad Smell, preferably one who knows when my birthday is. Oh wait, no I can’t, he’s the best I can do. Whoops.
I rue the day I jumped into bed with him. I did some stupid things when I was 24. IF ONLY HE WASN’T A DECENT ROOT I WOULD DUMP HIM SO FAST TAB TICKETS WOULD COME FLYING OUT OF HIS ARSE!!!
I REALLY HATE HIM SOMETIMES!!!!
It would appear that the only things he knows about me are my bra size and my menstrual cycle. I’m surprised he doesn’t refer to me as ‘12D’.
Goddamit. I think it might be time for Bad Smell to go back to being my ex-boyfriend again. I’m sure I can find myself a new Bad Smell, preferably one who knows when my birthday is. Oh wait, no I can’t, he’s the best I can do. Whoops.
I rue the day I jumped into bed with him. I did some stupid things when I was 24. IF ONLY HE WASN’T A DECENT ROOT I WOULD DUMP HIM SO FAST TAB TICKETS WOULD COME FLYING OUT OF HIS ARSE!!!
I REALLY HATE HIM SOMETIMES!!!!
11 comments:
Yes, that was a pearler. Even for Bad Smell.
You forgot to mention that Jason is going to name his devil spawn after your sister, who he has a thing for.
That is scary and borderline psychotic.
Oh yes that's right. He is calling his first born daughter after my sister. Weird and creepy.
And he told Bad Smell that he was considering putting my name on the shortlist.
I mean, who calls their child Town Bike??
Oh yes, and I forgot about Bad Smell comparing Jason's situation (out of wedlock child with a woman he's not in a relationship with) with my mother, who died of a rare disease 12 years ago.
WTF??? Comparing Jason to my mother is like comparing Mother Teresa to the Devil.
Oh hang on, Jason's not important enough to be the devil. OK let's say comparing Mother Teresa to some loser whitegoods salesman with a crack problem.
I just got a phone call from him from my house asking if I have a secret stash of coins in my place so he can drive over the harbour bridge.
GREAT!! Not only do I get to lend him my car for the day, I also get to pay for his bridge tolls!! Thanks for that!
I said no I don't, so he is stopping in AT MY WORK to pick up $3.
I said I only have a 50 note, no change, and he said 'that's ok, you can break it'. OH REALLY?? CAN I?? I'm glad that's ok with you.
Shall I add it to your bill you idiot??
WHY DO I PUT UP WITH THIS CONSTANT DRAIN OF EMOTIONS AND FINANCES??
Next time I'm going for an older man for sure. Younger men seem to be a mistake.
He is no better than a common prostitute!!
At least an older man may have his own money!!
I can't believe he didn't even know what month your Birthday is!!! That is bad.
What happened to your agony aunt column?? I need help.
He thought it was in February!!
I don't want an older man to give me money, I just want a man who will stop taking mine!!
anonymous: I need help too!! However I will create an agony aunt column for you.
Does Jason having a baby remind you of the movie "I am Sam"?
I sent him a congratulatory sms last night saying "I hear you are going to have a child, good luck with that".
No response.
No doubt he is wondering whether him becoming a father has reduced his chances of rooting me again.
Poor deluded poppet.
Shouldn't you be wishing the unborn child luck instead of Jason?
I don't think any amount of luck can help this child.
Talk about being born behind the 8-ball. Or crack pipe, if you will.
I am upset that the spawn of a crack addict and a 45-year old woman with major emotional issues who still lives at home will share a name with my sister.
It doesn't seem fair.
Ah, 12D. Not 10D. That answers that question.
Post a Comment