I Found my Thrill....on Mulberry Hill

Well, after a lovely day at a lovely high brow members function at Randwick Racecourse on Saturday, I decided to go hurtling in the other direction and have Jason drive me home. Well someone had to do it, and Jason is cheaper than a taxi. This is my new thing, I email him and ask him to drive me places. His car is an extension of his manhood basically so he invariably does it to avoid being emasculated.

So I totter down to Doncaster Ave, drunkenly in gold stilletto's and Jason picks me up and we go to my place. Keep in mind I am fairly (Ok, very) drunk at this stage so my version of events may or may not be correct. We then head to his friend Alex's place, not sure why, but I do remember drinking straight vodka.

From there we head over the bridge to some servo where we meet up with Lobo, Mason and Bad Smells sister so Jason can get pot and off we trot to Jason's new appartment in Breakfast Point. Has anyone heard of this place because I have lived in Sydney all my life and have never come across it. The apartment block is called Mulberry Hill. For some reason this amuses me.

I then had the pleasure of meeting Jason's brother, eating Macca's and then watching the football followed by some drunken shagging in a SINGLE BED. A large single allegedly but you must keep in mind Jason and I are not exactly small people.

The next morning I woke up to Jason snoring in my ear and lying practically on top of me in an effort to fit on the bed. He wakes up and has a shower (whilst having a cigarette - a talent of Jason's I particularly admire) and we head off down in the lift when Jason has a sudden realisation "OMG I am straight". We head back upstairs so Jason can punch 2 cones.

He drove me home, although I paid for the bridge because he had done his arse on the pokies the night before.

All is right with the world people, everything is as it should be.

My Bonding Session With Jason, Queen Of The Goblins

Jason is a very strange person indeed (but you already knew that, right?). One minute you’ve been spreading malicious rumours about him and he’s threatening to get the Bandidos onto you in a massive showdown at the Megahole, the next minute he’s in love with you again.

As you may or may not know, I am the administrator of a Facebook group devoted to discussing Jason. In all actuality, there isn’t that much to discuss – he’s kind of boring after a while. However on said group there are a few references to him being a loser, smoking ice, picking up lowies, etc etc.

Anyway, long story short, Jason’s aunt found the group last weekend and Jason got mad at me again. I know, I’m still in shock that amoebas can have aunts. So on Friday night, I’m at The Oaks, blind drunk as per usual. He sends me this one message asking where I was and I told him The Oaks. Next thing you know I look up and he’s standing there. He literally appeared out of nowhere.

Jason spent the night pouring out secrets to me, after making me promise not to tell anyone. Now this was just plain stupidity on his part. He must know by now that I am incapable of keeping my mouth shut and would gossip the leg off an iron pot. So when he told me he doesn’t like Lobo, and that Bad Smell has got himself into trouble with some drug-dealing Lebs, naturally I did two things:

1. Tell my two friends immediately
2. Write about it on the Internet.

Then Jason drove me home and I spent most of the next day throwing up. The two incidents may or may not have been related.

I think I also got invited to his baby’s christening. Because Jason and I are like, you know, BFFs and stuff.

The end.

Lobo Christ, Superstar

Word on the street is that Bad Smell's new BFF, Lobo, is recording a smash hit single.

Well at least I assume it will be a smash hit single, given that Lobo is involved.

Yesterday I was hanging with Lobo and Bad Smell and Lobo was busy typing out lyrics on his computer and laying down beats or whatever the hell it is you do when you record a smash hit single.

He kept asking me for countries with certain numbers of syllables in their names to fit into his lyrics. Here were my suggestions:

Two syllables: Fiji, Thailand, Turkey, Iraq
Three syllables: New Zealand, Australia

So I'm guessing the lyrics will be something along the lines of "From New Zealand to Iraq, Lobo's hitting it out of the ballpark".

He's recording his song in a fibro house in Blacktown. Sure to be a hit. No confirmation yet on whether Jason will be doing guest vocals.

Also Mason is the new Jason.

BREAKING NEWS!!!

Someone is Interdork stalking me!! Well it's not really Interdork stalking because it's via SMS, but it's still the most exciting thing that's happened to me since... well... since the last time I was stalked (when Jason threatened to sic the Bandidos onto me).

I have narrowed the list of suspects to:

* Jason
* Lobo
* Jason
* Andrew
* A man in a chicken suit
* Miss Contradiction

Who could it be? Only time will tell.

The Misadventures Of Jason Part 363

I am happy to report that Miss Contradiction and Jason are newly minted BFFs.

They were on the phone for several hours last night discussing the mysteries of Facebook, Lobo and some lame movie starring Will Smith.

The plot thickens...

How long until they announce their engagement? I predict two days.

Long Weekend Suggestions

I am pulling myself out of my chronic illness-induced rut and am ready to hit the punching bag of life with a vengeance come the long weekend at the end of this month.

Yes I realise it's still 10 days away but I need a while to plan my outfits (i.e. make some alterations now that I am apparently a lard arse).

What is going on? Some cool dance party that I will feel out of place at if I attend? A stalkers' convention at which I can give a presentation? Any grand final BBQs people want to invite me to?? Who wants to bet that we'll spend the long weekend sitting in the dark recesses of the pub getting shitfaced?

P.S. Go Parra
P.P.S. Lobo

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT #4,561,923

Miss Contradiction and I have finally decided to get married!

More details as they come to hand...

P.S. Lobo