Well, well, well. If we don't have a new slapper on the scene at the Cremorne Hotel, we will call her Moll Flanders, although I do believe that may be giving her too much credit.
Now Moll has been on the scene now for a few months and I had already heard of some of her antics but was yet to meet her in full living colour.
She was out in full force on Saturday afternoon, taking any opportunity to bare all by asking one of her *ahem* conquests if he thought she was too skinny. This obviously required her to lift her top up and do a 360 so everyone could ponder whether she had in fact lost weight. Possibly she thought this may not have been obvious in the size 10 childrens t-shirt she was wearing.
Miss Penelope filled me in on the antics of Sunday afternoon, where Moll was big-hearted enough to offer Miss Penelope a girl on girl good time...bless her. Miss Penelope declined.
Although my favourite Moll Flanders tale involves her bedding one bloke in one bedroom, getting up and walking into the flamates room and bedding him directly after. One wonders whether she had the chance to at least wash her nether bits in between.......eeeuuuuughhhhhhh!!!
Slaphorn could be a vestal virgin in comparison to this little number.
Showing posts with label Slapporn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Slapporn. Show all posts
Wednesday, 4 July 2007
Tuesday, 26 June 2007
Monday, 4 June 2007
Weekend Update With Town Bike
After many weeks of sloth-like hibernation, Miss Contradiction and myself decided it was time to ‘get our drink on’ on Friday night and head out for some quality binging and stalking.
We started off at Cabana Bar on Friday in what was already a considerable state of inebriation. I was quite bemused to find that one of my old acquaintances was already there. Suffice to say that I took great pleasure in noting her washed out appearance. Schadenfreude at its finest.
Miss Contradiction and I then decided we’d had enough of the overly trendy surrounds of the Cabana Bar and headed back to our spiritual home – the megahole – for some more shenanigans. I seem to remember playing pool and also going into the So-So-Bar at one stage after Miss Contradiction told the door thugs that I was her ‘bitch’. You wish!!
Anyway. We then proceeded to get bored of the So-So-Bar and ended up sitting downstairs for about five hours – as we always do – even though the place was fairly deserted.
And then one of our old nemesises – let’s call her Slapporn – decided to befriend Miss Contradiction and monopolise her attention. Now if you’re familiar with Slapporn (hint: her nickname Slapporn rhymes with her actual name) you’ll know that she is the REAL Town Bike. Yes, I may call myself Town Bike on a blog, but I couldn’t hold a candle to her overly enthusiastic vagina.
Not only is she a grade-A slapper, but she also calls herself ‘bisexual’. Now I may attract much abuse for saying this, but ‘bisexuality’ really pisses me off. Are you gay or not? Most of the time ‘bisexuals’ are actually ‘faux bisexuals’ and are just saying it to create controversy and thus attract attention. I believe Slapporn to be a faux bisexual.
Anyway. At one stage I noticed Miss Contradiction was in tears while Slapporn was gushing effusively over her. Although Miss Contradiction does like a good cry when drunk (GOD that is so annoying, by the way, you really have to stop doing that), I’ll be damned if anyone but me makes her cry.
So I started eavesdropping on the conversation and worked out that Slapporn was feeding Miss Contradiction a load of bullshit so she could upset her, comfort her and then look like a hero as Miss Contradiction has an unwell family member at the moment. So I turned around politely and pointed out that Slapporn is not a doctor and was not in a position to offer a sight-unseen prognosis in the middle of the pub at 2am. SERIOUSLY SLAPPORN, IF YOU CAN DIAGNOSE SOMEONE'S CONDITION WITHOUT EVEN BEING IN THE SAME ROOM AS THEM, WHY AREN'T YOU OUT CURING CANCER INSTEAD OF WASTING YOUR TIME SPREADING HERPES AROUND THE LOCAL PUB!!
Well Slapporn did not take kindly to that at all, let me tells ya. She went ballistic and started calling me an ‘idiot’ and a ‘stupid girl who doesn’t know anything’. Well I am many things, but stupid isn’t one of them. And as for calling me a little girl – what, is that supposed to be an insult?? Yes, I may be 10 years younger than her and THANK GOD FOR THAT!!
So I calmly pointed out that she has slept with at least three-quarters of the suburb and she then decided to GRAB MY PONYTAIL AND PULL MY HAIR. And she calls me childish?? Joke was on her because I haven’t washed my hair for nearly six weeks!
So that was our Friday night. It’s been a while since I was in a bitch fight – it was fun!
Now you know why a lot of people dislike me.
We started off at Cabana Bar on Friday in what was already a considerable state of inebriation. I was quite bemused to find that one of my old acquaintances was already there. Suffice to say that I took great pleasure in noting her washed out appearance. Schadenfreude at its finest.
Miss Contradiction and I then decided we’d had enough of the overly trendy surrounds of the Cabana Bar and headed back to our spiritual home – the megahole – for some more shenanigans. I seem to remember playing pool and also going into the So-So-Bar at one stage after Miss Contradiction told the door thugs that I was her ‘bitch’. You wish!!
Anyway. We then proceeded to get bored of the So-So-Bar and ended up sitting downstairs for about five hours – as we always do – even though the place was fairly deserted.
And then one of our old nemesises – let’s call her Slapporn – decided to befriend Miss Contradiction and monopolise her attention. Now if you’re familiar with Slapporn (hint: her nickname Slapporn rhymes with her actual name) you’ll know that she is the REAL Town Bike. Yes, I may call myself Town Bike on a blog, but I couldn’t hold a candle to her overly enthusiastic vagina.
Not only is she a grade-A slapper, but she also calls herself ‘bisexual’. Now I may attract much abuse for saying this, but ‘bisexuality’ really pisses me off. Are you gay or not? Most of the time ‘bisexuals’ are actually ‘faux bisexuals’ and are just saying it to create controversy and thus attract attention. I believe Slapporn to be a faux bisexual.
Anyway. At one stage I noticed Miss Contradiction was in tears while Slapporn was gushing effusively over her. Although Miss Contradiction does like a good cry when drunk (GOD that is so annoying, by the way, you really have to stop doing that), I’ll be damned if anyone but me makes her cry.
So I started eavesdropping on the conversation and worked out that Slapporn was feeding Miss Contradiction a load of bullshit so she could upset her, comfort her and then look like a hero as Miss Contradiction has an unwell family member at the moment. So I turned around politely and pointed out that Slapporn is not a doctor and was not in a position to offer a sight-unseen prognosis in the middle of the pub at 2am. SERIOUSLY SLAPPORN, IF YOU CAN DIAGNOSE SOMEONE'S CONDITION WITHOUT EVEN BEING IN THE SAME ROOM AS THEM, WHY AREN'T YOU OUT CURING CANCER INSTEAD OF WASTING YOUR TIME SPREADING HERPES AROUND THE LOCAL PUB!!
Well Slapporn did not take kindly to that at all, let me tells ya. She went ballistic and started calling me an ‘idiot’ and a ‘stupid girl who doesn’t know anything’. Well I am many things, but stupid isn’t one of them. And as for calling me a little girl – what, is that supposed to be an insult?? Yes, I may be 10 years younger than her and THANK GOD FOR THAT!!
So I calmly pointed out that she has slept with at least three-quarters of the suburb and she then decided to GRAB MY PONYTAIL AND PULL MY HAIR. And she calls me childish?? Joke was on her because I haven’t washed my hair for nearly six weeks!
So that was our Friday night. It’s been a while since I was in a bitch fight – it was fun!
Now you know why a lot of people dislike me.
Friday, 12 January 2007
Vote In Our Poll
As you will all note by casting your eyes to the right, I have added a poll to the blog to encourage interactivity.
I will change this poll every Friday so if you have any suggestions for future polls, post them here.
Here's some suggestions from me:
* Who will be the next yocal to be banned?
* Who will Slapporn sleep with next?
* How long until Pete is allowed back in?
I will change this poll every Friday so if you have any suggestions for future polls, post them here.
Here's some suggestions from me:
* Who will be the next yocal to be banned?
* Who will Slapporn sleep with next?
* How long until Pete is allowed back in?
Tuesday, 12 December 2006
Ideas For An 'S' Theme Party
Well apparently we are all invited to an 's' theme party on New Years' Eve. Miss Contradiction and I have been racking our brains thinking of things we can come dressed as starting with the letter 's'. Actually Miss Contradiction has been racking her brain, I'm still in shock that I was actually invited somewhere.
There are some obvious choices for an 's' theme party:
* Slapporn (come with no pants and no underwear and you're set).
* Stalker (we can just come as ourselves, or someone with a flowerpot attached to their bum).
* Slut (see above).
* Screw loose (see above).
* Smurf (no thanks).
* Senior citizen (yeah, like I really need to try and make myself look OLDER on New Years' Eve, which is prime picking up time. Good suggestion Miss Contradiction! Not).
* Smacked out (note to self: consult Canada with regards to costume inspiration for this one).
I give up. I think I'll just come as a slut.
There are some obvious choices for an 's' theme party:
* Slapporn (come with no pants and no underwear and you're set).
* Stalker (we can just come as ourselves, or someone with a flowerpot attached to their bum).
* Slut (see above).
* Screw loose (see above).
* Smurf (no thanks).
* Senior citizen (yeah, like I really need to try and make myself look OLDER on New Years' Eve, which is prime picking up time. Good suggestion Miss Contradiction! Not).
* Smacked out (note to self: consult Canada with regards to costume inspiration for this one).
I give up. I think I'll just come as a slut.
Monday, 27 November 2006
Synopsis WE 26/11/06
Well, as you know Town Bike was a little under the weather on Friday night. I did indeed attend the Kylie concert and returned to find Town Bike and another friend of ours who I will call Miss Penelope for lack of anything better to call her, absolutely smashed playing pool on the rather odd relocated pool tables. We have since figured out that the rotation of the pool tables was a ploy to disguise the fact they have removed 4 of the tables. Another Megahole mystery – where did they go and why??? Perhaps when we discover the location of the missing pool tables, we will also find Buck Hunting and Pinball.
Saturday after we spent most of the day recovering, we thought we would do some research on the other pubs in the area. First stop – Mosman Hotel, also known as the ‘Duck’. First thing we noticed was the absolute plethora of young attractive men – aha!! We cried – so this is where they go. The next thing we noticed was a rather extensive menu at reasonable prices – something lacking at the Hole. I think their menu consists of about 4 choices the highlight being baked beans on toast or something.
Next stop – the Oaks. Pricey drinks and apparently they can’t afford limes, which is surprising considering. Anyway, not a bad establishment. Reasonable looking men, although a tad woggy.
Then we decided we had been away from our spiritual home long enough and returned to our ‘Mecca’ if you will. WTF was going on at the Hole Saturday night is beyond me. I think they arranged a loser’s theme party and forgot to inform us. From the outfits – some women looked like Supre threw up on them – to revolting displays of affection between a late 30’s slapper in some kind of beer wench outfit known as Slapporn with a much younger bloke in stubbies and thongs who looked paraletic. All in all the whole night was a car crash of mass proportions. The only thing I can think of that might cause such a dismal night, is that Uncle Pete was away on a fishing trip and unable to monitor things.
Let’s look at a comparison of hotels…..
Mosman Hotel – Saturday 9pm
I think the pictures speak for themselves!!!
Oh Cremorne Hotel management!!! What are you doing to our spiritual home?
Saturday after we spent most of the day recovering, we thought we would do some research on the other pubs in the area. First stop – Mosman Hotel, also known as the ‘Duck’. First thing we noticed was the absolute plethora of young attractive men – aha!! We cried – so this is where they go. The next thing we noticed was a rather extensive menu at reasonable prices – something lacking at the Hole. I think their menu consists of about 4 choices the highlight being baked beans on toast or something.
Next stop – the Oaks. Pricey drinks and apparently they can’t afford limes, which is surprising considering. Anyway, not a bad establishment. Reasonable looking men, although a tad woggy.
Then we decided we had been away from our spiritual home long enough and returned to our ‘Mecca’ if you will. WTF was going on at the Hole Saturday night is beyond me. I think they arranged a loser’s theme party and forgot to inform us. From the outfits – some women looked like Supre threw up on them – to revolting displays of affection between a late 30’s slapper in some kind of beer wench outfit known as Slapporn with a much younger bloke in stubbies and thongs who looked paraletic. All in all the whole night was a car crash of mass proportions. The only thing I can think of that might cause such a dismal night, is that Uncle Pete was away on a fishing trip and unable to monitor things.
Let’s look at a comparison of hotels…..
Mosman Hotel – Saturday 9pm
Cremorne Hotel – Saturday 12pm
I think the pictures speak for themselves!!!
Oh Cremorne Hotel management!!! What are you doing to our spiritual home?
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