The Rumours Are True!!

Yes, I can confirm that the rumours are true about my latest beauty experiment.

I haven't washed my hair for four-and-a-half weeks!!

(With shampoo and conditioner, that is. I still rinse it in the shower).

At first it felt like hell but in the last week it's turned a corner and IT FEELS FINE!!

I'M NEVER USING SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER AGAIN!!

The end.

Pain, Pain, Like Kurt D Cobain

You know how people always say you shouldn't go for a Brazilian (or any sort of major waxing) right before your period?

I always thought that was a myth, but can now confirm that it is indeed correct.

Oh the pain - and I usually have a high pain threshold.

I don't know why I bother anyway. It's not like I'm ever going to have sex again.

I need a stiff drink. Stat!!

Wherefore Art Thou Duromine?

I hear through the grapevine that doctors are no longer as willing to prescribe my favourite prescription drug, the hardcore weight loss pill Duromine, even to overweight people.

Considering I am well within the healthy weight range it has always been slightly harder for me to be prescribed it, though I do have my tricks (which I am not going to divulge here).

Of course one of the 'fortunate' side effects is not only that you lose weight at an alarming rate, but you also walk around the entire time as if you are speeding and eventually you have a nervous breakdown.

But most importantly, you lose weight for special events (such as going out on a Saturday night and trying to pick up).

I miss Duromine. I remember fondly the time Miss Contradiction and I were so desperate to be off our faces and seeing as we had no other options we decided to shaft a couple of Duromines.

Which is only marginally better than the time we decided to shaft a couple of Zolofts and follow it up later in the night with a few Valiums.

After which Jason broke into Miss Contradiction's house and filmed us sleeping (we were so out of it that we had no idea he was there).

Rather adorably, Miss Contradiction is trying to spoon me in the film clip, which Jason sent to me on my mobile phone.

We are very classy women.

Junk In The Trunk Is The New Black

I read about an interesting cosmetic procedure the other day whereby the fat from your stomach can be sucked out and inserted into your backside to give you a nice curvaceous rump.

I was very excited about this because I have always wanted some junk in the trunk a la the JLo Ho (see right) and it seems that finally I may no longer have to be a no-arse wonder for the rest of my life.

In fact, I wonder if there is time to get the procedure done before the grand opening of SoSoBar next weekend. I supposed I would still be wearing the pressure bandages. But that could be funny because I could tell all the little fashion victims who frequent the hole after midnight that I saw Nicole Ritchie wearing pressure garments in Cleo and see if they turn up the next week wearing them.

Pressure garments could well be the new black.