TIMMY

Who thinks it's true?

I don't, but it makes for a good yarn.

The Ballad Of Ryan Fugly

Gather around the campfire children because Aunty Bike wants to tell you a tale of caution about a certain 'fugmeister' who used to hang around the Cremorne Hotel called Ryan.

I have not seen him in a while but you may remember him as a certain deformed hobbit-looking bloke who was adept at making the skin of women crawl.

I sent out a group text message to my usual suspects tonight re: Jason's Father's Day present of an apron with boobs and Ryan Fugly had the NERVE to respond in a negative fashion.

When I sober up tomorrow and have hours to fill at work I will divulge full details.

Signing off,
Town Bike.

P.S. I still really need to know who Timmy is

Weekend Wrap-Up

I experienced one of the most annoyingly crapulent nights of my life on Friday. It was my sister’s birthday so we convened at the Vineyard wine bar/restaurant in Crows Nest to celebrate. Don’t ask me what the food was like, I can’t remember and I don’t think I actually ate. What I do remember however is Miss Contradiction falling off her chair in a spectacular fashion onto the pavement on Willoughby Road. Classy, classy stuff. Note to self: find new boyfriend and force him to take me on dinner dates to the Vineyard so I can work out what the food was like because perusing the website today, it looks like it’s pretty damn good.

After that Miss Contradiction stumbled off somewhere drunkenly so I headed to the Stoned Crow with my sister and some of her friends. What the hell has happened to that place? It used to be a grungy dive (and I say that with the utmost affection because I love grungy dives). My dad used to take my mum on dates there 35 years ago and apparently she got so drunk one time she had to be carried out. Now the place is sterile and covered in tiles and looks like any other generic suburban bar.

After that I dropped into the hole solo to see if there was anyone around I could stalk. Unfortunately I didn’t realise how drunk I was and ‘mysteriously’ my nose started to bleed profusely so I made a quick getaway…

… only to find my sister passed out underneath the letterboxes outside my apartment block. Literally passed out. I managed to drag her inside but she headed straight to the bathroom and sat with her head over the toilet for a few minutes. Finally she said she was ok and wanted to go to bed. I put her in my bed and she lay there for approximately a minute before projectile vomiting all over my bed and floor. Needless to say, I spent a thrilling Saturday washing my sheets and cleaning vomit off my carpet.

Saturday night Jason was phone stalking Miss Contradiction and I for some reason but neither of us answered the phone so who knows what he wanted? Jason hates his stalking. Well actually I sent him a message asking if he was related to Jason Voorhees but that’s it, I swear.

Sunday my sister and I went with my father to Aqua Dining at North Sydney pool for Father’s Day. I ate some stuffed zucchini, knocked back half a bottle of Eden Valley chardonnay and ranted about my latest topic du jour, Abe Saffron (I have just finished reading the book Mr Sin) . Turns out my mum and dad had dinner with him in Rose Bay one night. Then my sister drove back to Canberra and I wallowed in a pile of my own crapulence watching Parra smash Brisbane.

The end.

P.S. Who is Timmy? I simply must know it’s killing me