Shayne Borland, The Most Unintentionally Funny Person In The World

In case you couldn’t guess from the above title, I am about to write a rant about a new loser on the scene called Shayne Borland.

Let me start by saying his name isn't really Shayne Borland. I have cleverly disguised it by adding a letter to the first and last name. This is to prevent him Googling himself and finding the site. I won't tell you which letters are added. OK it's the y and the r. Yes, he does have the most bogantastic name ever.

Shayne Borland is the idiot who reckons his father owns the Cremorgue Hotel. Whether or not this is true, let me say I don't especially think it's anything to boast about.

Some other funny points about Shayne Borland:

* He has a rat's tail. Yes, a rat's tail outside of 1989.
* He stands at the door of the pub next to the bouncer handing out pills as people walk in.
* He doesn't smoke but stands on the step in the smoking area, hovering over his minions.
* He wears the same outfit all the time - 3/4 cargo pants and a blue t-shirt. Miss Contradiction and I joke that when he goes to work he still wears the outfit but just puts an elasticised tie over the top.
* Speaking of work, he revealed on Sunday that he quit his job because he prefers to go to the beach in the summer.
* He pulled out the pearler the other day that he and I were apparently a couple for one day. This must have been the day I could talk to him without laughing.

Yes, Shayne Borland truly gives us immense doses of hilarity.