I was lazing around in a pool of my own crapulence at 7am this morning, trying to encourage myself to get out of bed, when my phone buzzed with a message. People rarely contact me, let alone at 7am, so I knew it could only be one person: Shayne Borland.
Shayne Borland was texting me at 7am on a Wednesday to announce that he had pills. What a fucking doofus. Who is thinking about pills on a rainy Wednesday morning.
Does he need any help with his airfare to Bribie Island? Because I am willing to pay, as long as it's a one-way ticket.
